forbidden forest
by hobbsey
Summary: A nighttime discussion leads between friends leads to secrets being revealed. [aka the story of how the marauders found out about Remus' *spoiler* identity] Mild Remus/Sirius pairing. Reviews are much appreciated!


forbidden forest

He crouched as far away from the dreaded moon as was possible when your bunk is right by the window. He'd already shut the curtains, but there was a single crack through which the moonlight filtered in, shining through the wispy clouds in the air. He was bunched up on one side of his bed, staying cautiously away from the single beam of light, making sure it couldn't touch him. He felt stirring form the bunk below him, and conceded that it was probably just Sirius turning over in his sleep. He put his head between his knees, and was quite shocked when a head peered up from the side of the bed, that insufferable splinter of white light shining down the middle of his nose.

"Why're you still up, Remus?" the person said tiredly, hoisting himself up onto the bed the rest of the way.

"Can't lay down." Remus said, trying his hardest to avoid explaining his reasoning.

Sirius looked at him quite quizzically. "Well, why not? Your back got a kink in it or something?"

Remus shook his head. "No, my back's fine. Just can't get to sleep laying down… thought maybe I'd do better sitting up here."

"Not crouched into a little ball like that you won't! All you're likely to do is just give yourself leg pains.

Remus shook his head. "I'm fine." He shrugged. "Though I could do with some company. It's weird, with Nearly Headless Nick floating around the dormitory… I keep thinking I'm seeing things."

Sirius let out a loud chuckle, but quickly shut himself up after realizing that people were, indeed, sleeping in the same room.

"First of all, Remus, I can't even see you in this blasted dark. Just some big black huddled-up something. Let's shed a little light onto the subject, shall we?"

"DON'T OPEN THE CURTAIN!"

Sirius, whose hand had been halfway to the curtain to open it, stopped suddenly. "…all right then, Remus, whatever you say. I'm not extremely fond of the dark, myself, but… hey."

Sirius sat himself back down on the bed, noticing a few rolls of parchment as he did. "What's this?"

Remus gave a weak smile, apologetically. "Just some stuff I've been writing. Stupid hobby, really," he said, even as the look on Sirius' face betrayed that it wasn't stupid at all.

"Stupid?" he said, leafing through the parchment, "This is really good!"

"I've gotta have something to do other than sit around and study all day, right? James has Quidditch, and you're always trying to keep Peter out of your hair, so I do this instead. It's a pretty good release when you need it."

"It's depressing, though," Sirius commented, still leafing through the rolls, and looking as though he hadn't heard a word Remus had said. "Hard to read."

"Sorry, I have bad handwriting."

"No, that's not it, I just can't see all of it." Sirius put a hand behind his head and laughed.

"That's an odd habit."

"I got it from my older brother. He was always laughing, and once I made a joke that if he laughed any harder his head would fall off. So we always do this to 'support our heads', keep 'em from rolling on the floor, you know?"

Remus' face lit up. "I wish sometimes that I had siblings. It's just my Mum and Dad back home."

"Ah, well, you've got me and James. Aren't we as good as brothers for you?"

"Of course! I wasn't implying that at all. Although… well…"

"What is it?"

"Just… sometimes…" Remus shifted uncomfortably, still being careful not to get to close to Sirius, who was sitting right in the moonlight shifting through the curtains, "sometimes I get kind of… well… sometimes I feel really different from you guys. You're both so… brave, and outgoing, and I'm just Remus… the quiet little boy in the corner."

"Aw, don't think that! Come on. Sure, you're a bit shy, but… we just wouldn't be the same without you."

Remus cocked an eyebrow at Sirius. "You sure?"

"Well of course! Have you ever known me to lie?" He adopted a very innocent-looking demeanor.

"Only too often." Remus said firmly.

"Well, the first time it was because I didn't want to-"

"I'm just joking, Sirius. I don't think you'd lie to me."

"Well, good."

There was a bit of an awkward silence. Remus fidgeted again, uncurling himself for the little ball he'd been hunched in to sit on his knees. Sirius carefully put the parchment on the other end of the bed, acting as though he was afraid he'd desecrate it by touching it. That splinter of moonlight continued to shine through the velvet curtains, and Remus pulled his hand back from it, having found it on the ground less than inches away.

"You're really nocturnal, not even wanting to touch the light."

"Not really, only sometimes. I've had some pretty bad experiences with the light is all."

Sirius opened his mouth to ask just what these could be, but at a look from Remus he changed his mind.

"So, Remus… well…"

"Yes?"

"Have you had any interesting dreams lately?"

"What kind of a question is _that_?"

"An honest one. Try to do something other than sit here in silence."

"Sorry I'm not the most conversational of people."

"That's not it…"

"Oh. But anyhow, yeah, I actually have. I dreamed that James was marrying that one girl… in Ravenclaw… Lily. But, of course, since you were the Best Man, you managed to spill punch all over her dress. I think James was about to kill you."

"Oh wonderful," Sirius said sarcastically, "When I die I certainly want it to be at the hands of one of my friends. But…" he continued when Remus had stopped chuckling, "It does sound like something I'd do. Have to try it someday." He gave Remus a wink, which started Remus laughing again.

"And what about you, Sirius? You brought up the subject, so you must have dreamed something odd."

"I did. I wanted to tell you earlier, but I thought James would laugh. He's not as sympathetic or caring as you are, so…"

Remus nodded. "James is a bit brash. But go on."

"Well, we were all in the Forbidden Forest, trying to find some centaurs or something stupid like that. And it was really creepy for some reason. I'm not usually scared by stupid stuff like that, but… it was something about how the wind was blowing or something, or how the ground was so damp… we split up into two groups. Peter wanted to go with James, as always, so you and I set off to the east. We came across this tiny little clearing… there was a log and a big willow tree, but that was about it. You thought you heard a noise coming from behind the log, so you went to go see what it was, and…" Sirius' voice began to shake slightly, "And you tripped over the log. I was expecting you to just get right back up and make some crack about being such a klutz, but you didn't. I was a bit worried… only a bit, mind you!… but anyhow I set off toward the log as well, and Severus Snape was sitting back there with a knife in his hand. You know, I don't like him, but he's not really all that evil, even for Slytherin house. But he was sitting back there holding a knife, and he had one hand on the collar of your robes… you had a hand on his wrist, trying to pull it off of you, but since (no offense) you aren't the strongest of people, you couldn't, and he… he… he killed you, Remus! He just smiled and stabbed you! And… I was right there! It was… it was… I…"

Sirius hung his head at this point in his storytelling, and he was clutching the bedclothes tightly in one hand. A tear dropped and made a droplet on the linen sheet.

"…Sirius, you know that Snape would never do anything like that, even if he does hate us all."

"I know, but… it all seemed so real! I thought you were really dead, and…"

Remus moved slightly toward Sirius, still being careful not to touch the beam of moonlight. He hung over the edge of the bed, putting his feet on Sirius' bunk, and hoisted himself back up on the other side. He put his arm around Sirius' shoulders comfortingly.

"Sirius, I'm right here. You don't need to worry about my dying anytime soon. We still have too many adventures left to go on, and I'm not about to break up the Marauders."

Sirius sniffed and lifted up his head. "You're right. I shouldn't be crying 'cause of some stupid dream. Thanks, Remus… you're a real pal."

Remus gave him a soft smile. "I may not be as bold as James, but I'm still your friend. Whenever you need my help… it's not a problem at all."

"…I just don't know why it hit me so hard. I mean, when I woke up, I knew it was a dream, but I was still crying. I couldn't shake this… this feeling that… I don't even know what it was."

"Don't be ashamed because you were crying! It's all right to cry… not a weak thing at all. In fact, if you ask me…" Remus took his arm off of Sirius and looked introspectively toward the wall, "It's a strong thing to do. It shows that you have strong feelings for people, and for your friends, and that's better than any false bravado." He turned back to face Sirius. "But of course, that's just what I think."

Sirius just nodded. "…strong feelings."

"Yeah, you know, strong bonds of friendship. A good tie with them."

"Right." He looked down at the bedsheet. "So, tomorrow, when James tries to convince you to go into the Forest with us… I think I'm going to just not let you go. I'm still… kind of scared. I really don't want you to die."

"Well, I don't much want me to die either. Might not be good for my health, you know."

Sirius gave a weak chuckle, and Remus could easily see that he was deep in thought.

"What're you thinking about? Don't give yourself a headache, I haven't got any medicine."

"Just what you said about crying."

"Don't take it too seriously. It's just an opinion."

"No, not that… just…"

Sirius gave a small glance to Remus, then looked back down again, as if considering. He looked cautiously around the room. In one swift movement, Remus found himself very close to Sirius, with his hand on Sirius' chest.

"Tell me, Remus, am I dreaming or not?"

"…I don't think you are."

"Can you feel my heart beating?"

"…yes…"

"Then I'm not dreaming."

There was a long, rather awkward pause. Sirius was looking downward again, and Remus wondered faintly why he couldn't bring himself to look up for long.

"Sirius… what is it you're thinking about?" Sirius gave him a skeptical look, as if to say 'Didn't you just ask me that?', and so Remus added "Really."

"I think…" He quickly moved his head up again so that he was looking right at Remus as he spoke. "I think I may love you, Remus."

Remus' eyes opened rather widely, and he moved back slightly out of surprise. "This isn't any time for jokes, Sirius," he said slowly, doubting what his ears had just heard.

"I'm not joking. You know me – I always smile when I am."

Seeing Sirius' sullen face, Remus had to admit he had a point. He swallowed, and he moved his mouth, but no words came out. He could feel Sirius' heartbeat increasing.

"Well, then…" he managed to get out slowly, "Then… er…"

Sirius reluctantly let go of Remus' hand. "I understand," he said rather forcefully, "I'll go back to my own bed now."

"NO!"

Sirius already had one leg slung over the bed, ready to hop down. He was taken aback by Remus' shout, and fell down, landing on the floor in a heap.

"Are you all right, Sirius?"

"Other than a sore rump, I think so."

He smiled up at Remus and climbed back to sit on the top bunk. "You sure?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"You don't hate me?"

"Quite the contrary," Remus said professionally. "I very much doubt I could ever hate you, Sirius."

"You don't think I'm some sort of freak?"

Remus blinked and winced slightly at the word 'freak', but quickly regained his composure. "No, I don't think you're a freak in the least. Unless… unless I am too."

"Do you mean…?"

Remus gave a quick nod. He was blushing a bit, Sirius could see from the moonlight filtering in through the curtains.

"Then…"Sirius said slowly.

"Then what?"

They were sitting on opposite sides of the bed, facing each other. Sirius leaned in slightly, crouching on all fours, until he was close enough to Remus to feel his breath.

"Then, maybe you wouldn't mind if I did this…" he murmured softly. His voice trailed off, and he moved forward slightly, meeting Remus' lips gently.

He could feel Remus tense up and then relax. Remus hesitantly wrapped his arms around Sirius, holding him close. Sirius began to sit back up, bringing Remus slowly toward the moonlight. There was a sudden jolt, and then Remus broke away rapidly, jumped down off the bed, and ran out the doorway.

"REMUS!" Sirius yelled toward him as he bolted down the hallway. He stopped only once, to wake up James.

"James…" he started breathlessly, "There's something… wrong with… Remus." He took a large breath and talked normally, though panicked. "We were… talking, because neither one of us could sleep, and he just suddenly up and ran! We have to… we have to find him…"

James nodded quickly, wiped the sleep out of his eyes, pulled on some robes, and followed Sirius out the door.

They didn't even stop to think about whether or a not a teacher had seen them as they tore down the halls of Hogwarts. Sirius was intent only on finding Remus, and James was having a hard time keeping up.

"Why did he run off?!" James yelled toward Sirius, who by now had quite some lead.

"I'm not sure!" Sirius yelled back. He found himself thinking, however, that it was because of him. If he hadn't… then…

"There he is!" James prompted, looking around a corner. He tore off to catch up, and Sirius followed, gaining speed quickly.

Remus stole a quick look over his shoulder, but kept running, not saying anything to his friends. Sirius, being closer, noticed that he was panting. He couldn't be exhausted yet… they'd barely gone around Hogwarts. Even Peter could do the round-the-school-dash without getting whipped.

They came to one of the back passages, and, seeing Remus stop for a moment and then go out the door, ran as hard as they could to catch up.

It was a very clear night. The stars were shining very brightly, Sirius thought, or maybe it was just that he was getting a bit dizzy. He could feel the moonlight upon him.

James stopped Sirius as he was about to follow Remus into the Forbidden Forest. "Sirius, we can't go in there… it's…"

"Forbidden? That's never stopped you before." Sirius paused a second before turning back to James. "Tell me, if Lily had just gone into the Forest and you didn't know why, would you follow her?"

"Well… yeah, I guess I would," said James sheepishly, turning red.

"My point exactly. C'mon, we have to find him before something happens!"

"Then we'd better split up."

Sirius nodded and entered the Forest, heading straight in. James veered to the left.

It was every bit as "creepy" as Sirius had seen in his dream, which he found himself recalling vividly.

__

What if he…?

He walked cautiously through the forest, trying his hardest not to wake any of the snoozing creatures that were scattered around. He was almost afraid to touch the trees, feeling they might snatch him up in their long, twisted branches.

He walked in a daze for a fair distance, not really paying attention to where he was going, pushing himself harder to find Remus before something else found him. Even before James found him. He wanted to be the one to find Remus… to tell him he was sorry.

The ground moved up to meet his face, and he realized that he'd tripped over a log. A small clearing lay on the other side of the log, surrounded by a thick foliage of trees. Sirius noticed a black shape in the clearing, and heard mumbling. It was Remus. Sirius couldn't quite make out what he was saying…

The moonlight filtered through the trees. Remus looked up at it, and shielded his eyes with a paw.

__

Wait a second here. A PAW?

Sirius rubbed his eyes, but the vision hadn't changed. Remus' right hand was definitely a large, grayed, furry paw, claws included. As the moonlight hit Remus, he tensed, and went rigid. His arms started to shiver and quake, bursting with fur, elongating, thickening. Remus titled his head up, and that was changing too… the soft profile was metamorphosing into an elongated snout… his forehead was leaning back… his whole body was changing.

Sirius was wide-eyed. He heard James approaching behind him, and held out a hand to quiet him before he spoke.

"I found Remus…" he whispered softly.

"Not… not the…"

"Yes, James, Remus is… a werewolf…"

The two boys walked slowly back to Hogwarts.

"That's why he's always sick…"

"I just thought he was delicate or something."

"Do you think Dumbledore knows?"

"He must. They have werewolves on a registry…"

Sirius was quiet. James slowly put his arm on Sirius' shoulders.

"Don't take it too hard. I don't think anyone could have guessed."

"It's not that. I just… well…"

James smiled and nodded. "Don't worry. He's still our Remus, right? Nothing's changed."

Sirius gave him a weak smile back. "I guess you're right. I've met his parents, last year I saw 'em off the Hogwarts Express, and they were both… normal… so…"

"It's not his fault."

"Right."

There was another pause as the boys reached the dormitory. James nodded and went into the left room to his bed, and Sirius continued down the hall. However, instead of settling down in his bunk, he once again climbed onto Remus' vacated spot by the window.

__

That's why he was huddled back there… it's a full moon tonight, and the curtains don't block out the light…

He looked around slowly, and noticed the parchment on the floor. He hadn't actually read more than a couple lines of any of it… it was Remus', after all, and he couldn't see by just the moonlight anyway. He climbed out of the bed, picked them off the floor, pulled out his wand, and read under the covers of his own bed.

__

6-16

First day back at Hogwarts in awhile. I had a nice summer with Mom and Dad, but each time I leave them they seem to care less and less. It makes me wonder if they're glad to get rid of me. I think, were I in their situation, that I'd want to get rid of me… after all, who wants a werewolf around?

…I guess that's why I can't tell my friends, out of fear they'd betray me. Who would want me around then, knowing that I could bite them at any moment, every full moon? It's a bit of a good thing that Sirius and James are always too caught up in the latest discovered hidden path to realize that I'm always "ill" at the full moon. I certainly look ill, so I guess that is the best excuse.

I had better sign off for tonight. Each night my fear that someone will discover my writing this increases. Nobody ever asks why I use so much parchment…

Sirius read each and every piece of parchment. Some of them were journal-format, like the first one he picked up, but most were stories or poems... cunningly crafted and lovingly penned. He noticed that many of these were full of cross-outs and add-ins, as if Remus hadn't been satisfied with the first sentence. As he read, he realized that a lot of the things Remus had noted were true… nobody really bothered to ask him why he was so ill all the time, or why he used so much paper, or why he always looked so tired and gray. All small things, but they added up…

He awoke several short hours later to find that Remus' bed was still vacated, and most of the other boys in the dorm had already awakened and were beginning to get dressed. He sat up, stretched his arms, and scratched his tousled hair.

"Finally awake, Sirius?" Peter said, coming into the room shyly. "James said he wants a word with you in the common room when you get done in here."

Sirius nodded and threw on his uniform, forgetting to tie his tie, and correcting himself when he put his robes on backward. He stumbled groggily into the common room, to find James already dressed and groomed.

"What is it James?"

"…you know," James replied in a slightly beaten tone, "I stayed up for awhile thinking last night. There's got to be something we can do to help Remus."

"How?" Sirius asked hopelessly, lowering his voice to a whisper. "You know that if we get anywhere near him when he's like that, we could die."

James nodded. "You know those Animagus McGonagall was talking about the other day?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"We could do that. If we do it right, then we could keep him in check, and we could still be with him when he…"

"James, that's crazy. Only grown wizards can pull that off right."

James smiled. "This is something new. Sirius, saying he can't do something. I thought you could do anything."

"I can! I just… we could get hurt…"

"You sound like Peter," James said simply, turning away. "I'm doing it. I'll tell McGonagall I'm interested in finding out about Animagus and see if she can find me a book…"

As James walked away, images came back into Sirius' head… Remus, running out of the school, clutching his hand; Remus, trying to shield himself from the light; Remus, screaming as he transformed…

"Wait, James!"

James turned back around, and fixed Sirius with a look that said quite plainly 'Well?'

"I'll do it."

"Good. Then, I'll go tell Peter. He'll listen to me. And… maybe we should surprise Remus."

It was a week before than Remus returned to Gryffindor Tower, looking especially beaten. He walked in in the middle of a Transfiguration class. Everyone turned to look at him slowly. McGonagall also turned.

"Welcome back, Remus. I trust you are feeling better?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, Professor. I think I'll be all right."

"Good." She smiled slightly. "We are on page 127 in our books."

Remus nodded again and took his seat next to Sirius. Pretending to be writing notes from what McGonagall was talking about, he instead penned a short letter.

__

Sirius-

I've got something I have to tell you, James, and Peter after class.

He passed the note to Sirius, pretending to be pointing out something Sirius had missed. Sirius nodded and wrote down a reply.

__

It's no problem. James and I followed you out of the dorm last night… we already know that you're a werewolf.

Remus' eyes widened at the reply, but he nodded and turned away.

After class was over, Sirius struggled to keep up to Remus in the hall. Remus had quickly breezed past all three of the other Marauders after class, not looking at or speaking to any of them.

"Remus!" he yelled down the passage. Remus stopped in his tracks and turned.

"What is it, Sirius?" he said monotonously, staring at the ground.

"What's wrong with you? Do you think that just because you're… well… that we don't like you all of a sudden?"

Remus shuffled off to the library. Sirius motioned to James and Peter to go on, that he could handle it. James nodded, and Peter scuffled off behind him.

Sirius sat down next to Remus in the library. Remus didn't look at him, or at least he kept his head tilted downwards, reading a book on curative potions.

"Remus, will you listen to me? We don't care that you're a… well… that you're who you are. It doesn't matter to us. We're still your friends, and…"

"And what, Sirius? You're still my friends, but you'll avoid me for the rest of my life. I could hurt you, Sirius… you and James and Peter, too. You can't follow me like that again. Apparently someone saw you following me, because they're planting a new tree and digging a new passage for my use, so that no one can follow me again. It's too dangerous."

"Remus, we don't care, and if you haven't caught that we don't want to avoid you yet, then you need to get your head out of that book and open your eyes! I've been tagging you since Transfiguration. James only left because I told him to. Remus, you haven't changed. At all. You are still the same to us. All right?"

Looking at him, Sirius could tell he didn't believe a word.

"Remus, I still love you. That's hasn't changed either," he said, more gently.

Remus shut the book in the middle of reading a passage on potions to cure those who had been blood sucked. "…are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive…" Sirius replied, slowly but firmly. He turned his head to make sure no one was looking, which of course they weren't, and held Remus close.

"I cried for you, after all, didn't I?"

the obligatory disclaimer! whee!

This didn't turn out quite the way I had expected it to, but I guess it's all right all the same. Near the end I realized that I'd left out a few key points, but I hope you'll judge the story on… well, the story, and not how technically close to the real series it is.

Of course, none of the Marauders belong to me, nor do Professor McGonagall or Severus Snape [who, despite Sirius' odd dream, I do not think is evil]. The only thing that belongs to me is this story itself, and even this was taken from stuff suggested in the book. 

What else is there to say? This is my first Harry Potter [or slash, for that matter] fanfic, so please be nice and leave me a comment. Even if you hated it, I like to see what people think.

If you want to read anything else of mine, feel free. You can access all of my fanfiction [or the decent ones anyhow] from my archive here at fanfiction.net. If for some odd reason you want to post this on a webpage or something, please ask me first, and don't steal it. Despite appearances, I do work hard on these things! I really do!

~the authoress, megumi


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